Our Fertility Journey with Fertility Talent Director, Guy Stroud
This is not a story I used to tell. It is the story of one of the most difficult times in our lives. It’s the story of almost four years of anguish and heartache. But it is ultimately the story of how my partner Joanna, and I came to start our family, how our lives changed for the better thanks to an industry full of people dedicated to helping people in our position. Now, it’s a story I often share with clients and candidates at Fertility Talent. This is the story of our fertility journey.
Like thousands of other couples in the UK, we struggled to have children for many years. The first time we conceived in 2011, the feeling was like no other, we were both over the moon. That changed 6 weeks later when we experienced our first miscarriage, this is one of the most difficult things either of us has ever experienced. Beyond bereavement, there is a great sense of isolation and loneliness that comes with pregnancy loss. It’s often not something you feel you can discuss with friends, and sometimes it seems like you are suffering alone. Each time we conceived afterwards, the joy we felt was accompanied by anxiety, fear, and doubt. We felt like every day we were waiting for the worst news. Over several years, that news would come three more times, each time more harrowing.
We tried everything we could to improve our chances. We gave up caffeine, alcohol, cut down on meat, exercised regularly and adopted a regimen of vitamins and supplements. Each time, we would be cautiously optimistic, and each time our dreams collapsed. The emotional stress in this period took a toll on both of us personally and professionally. We felt let down by doctors, detached from our friends and family, and betrayed by our own biology.
Our 3rd pregnancy resulted in a missed miscarriage at the end of our first trimester, we had paid for regular private scans throughout the pregnancy, Joanna was experiencing changes in her body, so it was a horrible shock to establish this loss. Joanna required surgery. To help find closure, testing for chromosomal abnormalities was performed, the result showed no abnormalities, our baby was a healthy female fetus. The distress we felt was unbearable, there were no answers to why this was happening.
The culmination of this period was in 2015 when we were told for the fourth time that Joanna had miscarried. We were very low so made plans to travel to Thailand, leading up to the holiday, Joanna was in pain and worried that she’d had an incomplete miscarriage, this is where tissue from the pregnancy remains in the uterus. We had to demand to be scanned, on arrival to the hospital the doctor performed a trans-abdominal scan (external), they felt confident Joanna had fully miscarried and refused our demands for a transvaginal ultrasound (internal) which would have provided the most accurate results
The outcome was an undetected ectopic pregnancy – something we only discovered while trekking in a remote island off the Thai coast. Joanna’s condition became life threatening when her fallopian tube burst, we endured a terrifying 4-hour ambulance drive to Bangkok Phuket Hospital. I was frightened and furious that such an oversight could have been made by our doctors in the UK.
The outcome was a salpingectomy to remove one of Joanna’s fallopian tubes and what we believed was the end of our journey to have a biological family. Even in this incredibly dark time, we never gave up on the dream of having a family and began exploring other options, including adoption, surrogacy, and IVF. Then, we had a breakthrough!
We were referred Dr Siobhan Quenby at Warwick University Hospital, a consultant obstetrician and specialist in recurrent miscarriage. One of the things I came to realise from speaking with her is just how common our experience is. Suddenly, it felt like we weren’t quite as alone as we believed. Not only did thousands of other couple’s experience this, but there was an entire field of research around it and – just maybe – hope for a solution.
Joanna underwent a battery of tests, but after several more months, they could still find no medical explanation for our continue loss. This was difficult news to receive, but Dr Quenby didn’t allow us to give up and worked with us to find a way forward. Joanna was accepted for several trials, one was the SiM trial, this involved scratching the lining of the womb to encourage healthy pregnancy and another trial was for the treatment of Chronic Histiocytic Intervillositis (CHI), which causes the body to fight pregnancy, effectively causing the placenta to die in places.
I didn’t want Joanna to put her body through any more trauma but having experienced 4 pregnancies, everyone with a heartbeat identified, Joanna refused to give up. After the SiM trial, Joanna took medication to improve the lining of her womb, once we had conceived steroids were used to suppress Joanna’s immune system and heparin to thin the blood. At the end of the first trimester Joanna stopped taking drugs – we had never been more anxious, but for the first time in years, we allowed ourselves to have hope again.
At around 20 weeks, we were given some amazing news – we were through the riskiest part of the pregnancy, and our baby was healthy! I’ve never felt such a wave of relief, before or since. Joanna and I were thrilled, and although we were still worried about what might happen, we were told we should begin thinking about names. We named our unborn son Rory, we spoke to him every day and watched Joanna’s bump grow with nervous anticipation.
Rory was born on 27th May 2014 and under the same treatment plan Tilly was born 2 years later. The labours weren’t plain sailing, Rory was breach with a planned section and Tilly was a Grade 1 emergency section. Joanna’s journey to recovery hasn’t been easy, she suffered with PTSD and procedural memory loss. We’ve been medically advised to not have more children, and as I never want to see my Wife’s life as risk again, I’m very comfortable with this decision. We’re a good example of the lengths that people will go to have a family.
There are key moments in our journey that influenced this magical outcome. Firstly, the Consultant who performed Joanna’s ectopic surgery Dr Kittipat Pongpech is a specialist in gynaecological surgery, despite the pressure of a patient haemorrhaging, he performed laparoscopic surgery which resulted in fewer complications and less scarring. Once we had the support of Dr Siobhan Quenby, other doctors and nurse were compassionate, kind, and helpful. During the pregnancy with Rory and Tilly, Joanna was eligible for reassurance scans, this really helped manage anxiety.
Rory and Tilly are the most important thing in our lives. We are eternally grateful for all the help we’ve received, the joy of having a family is incomprehensible. The fertility industry gave Joanna and me another chance when we thought we had none, they gave us the greatest gift we have ever been given. As a professional working in this industry, seeing the wonders these doctors and nurses do, I also understand first-hand how lives can be changed by fertility healthcare. Without medical intervention and the support of these amazing people, I would not have my two wonderful children.
The fertility industry stretches from embryologists to obstetricians to researchers, spanning public and private healthcare services. Almost every industry professional I’ve met has been an inspiration; these are people who truly understand the importance of what they do. One of our clients at Fertility Talent advertises that they have helped bring 50,000 babies into the world, and I can’t think of a better way to summarise the wonder of this industry. 50,000 babies that would not otherwise have been born. 50,000 families made complete by the work these people do.
Having worked closely with the industry since 2013, and motivated by our own difficulties, I made the decision in early 2021 to create Fertility Talent, the UK’s first dedicated recruiter for the fertility industry.
Our fertility story has a happy ending, and I can honestly say I’m proud to represent an industry that spends every day trying to give hundreds of thousands of other families theirs.
